Knitting my life together

Good evening dear blog readers.

I'm currently using my blog as a journal, just to get myself back in to using it a bit and to see where it might go next. It's been quite a long time since I blogged regularly, I'm not sure I was very focused with the direction of it, was it lifestyle, style, food? I then wandered in to politics and then unfortunately it would appear an anxiety driven condition that I'm currently still suffering from and I stopped writing completely.

I finished my Open University course and passed it quite well, which was excellent but I was subsequently due to start a college course that I didn't pursue. I started a part-time job from home which is flexible but has taken up my time somewhat so my exploration in to myself and a new direction stalled as did my own writing.

At the moment I have quite a few ideas floating around my head for interesting blog posts relating to how we deal with those wishing to work with a disability and also on motherhood and crowd funding. Also, our big news is that we might be moving again! This time to a more permanent and substantial smallholding with extended family and I'm hoping that this will allow me time to be more creative and learn some of the crafts I've been inspired by over the last couple of years! I've already chosen a name for the Farm! Rest assured I shall be posting all my efforts on here and hopefully if I practice enough be able to sell a few bits and bobs.

I touched on the fact that I've been suffering from anxiety in my previous post, and it's certainly taken it's toll on my ability to deal with multi-tasking and my ability to focus. It's also given me insight to my previous behavior and how I might have been suffering from anxiety for many years but have managed to push it in to self contained boxes, for example I don't drive or fly. I shall hopefully be getting some therapy so that's a bit of a journey!

On a family note, my little girl is now two and growing more and more everyday which is delightful and awe inspiring and also scary as shit.  I'll leave it there for now and hope you enjoy the small one's masterpiece below!

Fare thee well until next time,
K x

Those that wander are not always lost.

Just a quick update from me to say sorry for the lack of posts! I've been suffering from a depression which I'll touch on in later posts I'm sure. I started this blog as a form of self expression and discovery so it would seem I need to go down some interesting routes whilst doing this.

To get back in to this I may use this blog as a journal for a while.

Much love,
Kay and Jas x

The lovely ginger and orange cake.

There once was a ginger and orange cake. 
That came out of the oven all warm.
It stood on it's stand and looked so very grand.
Gosh, it didn't last more than it took to make! 

Okay, where's my Booker Prize?

When politics attacks.....the right to breed and other things.

Here's a little update from me:

Number of square knitted = 5
Number of words of novel written = 3934
Number of courses started = 1
Number of jobs volunteered for = 1
Number of cakes eaten = 1

So, my blanket is erm...still in development. Think of it as the Serenity sequel, it's much loved but not quite in production. Likewise, my novel has had some words added to it, but I'm so unfocused with it. I'm liking the story though, but it's unfolding as I write, I haven't got a plan as such.

I started my Open University course, which has eaten in to my daily time, as will my impending 6 hours a week at the CAB.

Life as mum is becoming a little more understood by me, although my plans to go to a childminder are temporarily on hold as there has been a bereavement, another reminder of how short life is and how we should direct ourselves towards what moves us rather than just the mundane.

I'm incredibly lucky to have this time with my daughter but what it has highlighted to me is the way in which, as a society, we treat child rearing and how judgemental we are towards others. It is also interesting to see how our basic internal fairness button is being manipulated by politics.

The rhetoric of the scrounger or the feckless or the undeserving poor is not new, but during the recent recession it is prevalent not only in politics but in the media and on the lips of many. In times of contraction there's less, so what's available to us all is scrutinised as we all fight that basic urge of not being left with the least amount of potatoes on the plate. The plight of the disabled on disability allowance and other benefits has affected me hugely, I have always felt that part of what made Britain great was an inbuilt fairness (oh how my step-dad would laugh at me for that). That those who are truly unable would be looked after by the state is something I've always believed to be right. Personally, I have never felt annoyed by paying tax, I've not always agreed with how the government has spent my money or they way in which they have arranged their finances but the principle of tax is sound to me, I live in a society, society needs certain basic needs met, I pay for those with taxes. Sign me up.

The way in which the coalition has chosen to look at the welfare costs in the country and the way in which it has played its cards has truly astounded me. It is not so much the fact that the Tories would hide behind the spin of benefits being out of control or that some people are lazy, it's the fact that the liberal democrats have said nothing whilst they've gotten on with it. They let them get away with spinning the lie that the way to fix the deficit would be to focus on welfare.

Now let me get this straight, I strongly dislike fraudsters. Cowardly arsehats. As a nation we can not stand the unfairness of it. We stand in queues nicely, we are polite, we do not grumble at the rain and in turn we expect everyone else to behave in the same way. They don't of course, but that's humanity. It does not and should not mean that this feeling should be directed towards the vulnerable, that the fact that a small percentage of people claim incorrectly should not mean that we close our ears to the reaction of those having to go through the work capacity assessment.

I am certain that their are some people currently on disability benefits that would love to work and with support in travelling to work, or at work, or flexibility in work patterns would be able to change from these benefits to part and part. However, that should not mean that all people are tested in one way, using one set of questions, by a non specialist in that particular person's illness. It is abhorrent to me those with mental illness are not dealt with differently. It is baffling to me why a medical reports from specialists are being ignored.

All for the sake of some bad apples, a whole section of society now feels shunned, overlooked and persecuted. I strongly reject the way in which this has been handled. Basically, to me it really does seem to be a matter of principle for the Tories, rather than economics and they have twisted and manipulated and fanned the flames of jealousy and fear to push these changed through.

This takes me back to another section of society that have always been judged. Mothers. The choice of when to have a baby, probably the biggest choice a woman ever makes. I really wish that as a society we understand that if we are to continue being a country that it's our babies that will take it forward. If we do not support this activity over and above huge profits then our communities cease to exist. Now, I know that not all woman want children, top choice. I know many others that want to and can not or have effectively chosen not to due to economics you may say so what, this has always been the case. I also know many who have chosen to have children without finances or relationships being solid and they are vilified.

Society places a judgemental barrier to this activity, it says you can only do this if....you are in a committed relationship, you have savings or the wage so that you do not rely on the state, like it's something not connected to our biology and psyche. However, if there is one activity that SHOULD be supported by government it should be child rearing. It should be respected. But it isn't and we treat some mothers with disdain, we watch them struggle (for it was never intended to be a two person job let along a one person job) and then we say it's their punishment for not doing it the way in which society says.

Instead of guns, armies and nuclear submarines we should be spending money on supporting any woman, married or not, financially able or not, to raise a child. Radical much? You betcha. Not so much a Dad's Army as a Mother's.

With all of that off my chest I feel a little lighter. I'm not sure if you feel any better though! I apologise for the rant. I've been delving into the local politics of Torfaen and it's a little heartbreaking.

Wish me luck in changing that!

K x

Political Offshoots!

So, off the back of my previous post I've decided to start up a new blog. I'll post the link a little later on.

The Ponty project, as it's now know in my head is proving very interesting. I've featured one local group already and I've started a petition too. I've also had my first actual conversation with a Council person, which was interesting. There seems like there is a lot to do! I could quite easily be the Pontypool Journalist, if only someone would pay me!

I can't wait to see where this goes! I've already been invited out to visit an Owl's egg in a nesting box and to a meet and greet. A local charity is delivering me veg tomorrow and they've given me LOADS of names of other local people doing awesome stuff for me to contact! Plus the council has directed me to a newly forming Town group so we shall see!

I've also started a petition to see if we can get movement on the state of the local shop fronts! I'm hoping some lovely art might come out of this!

My partner did a quick sketch for me as an idea for the boarded up willie window! I'd love to see this in town.

Shop Fronts Are Us!

http://promisingponty.blogspot.co.uk/

Like I said, I'm creating more work for myself being at home than anything else!



Oh....and I've only knitted five squares, but I HAVE written 3900 words of the book! Plus the child will be one on Saturday and she WALKED TODAY!

HORRAY!

Best wishes
Kay x

Where their once stood an oak tree, there now sits an acorn.

Local politics. I'm not sure there's a more interesting way of saying that. Before I blog regarding mental health I thought I would introduce you all to the ball of string that is Welsh local politics. I know, to most politics is a dull and boring subject, left to the seekers of power, or the very vocal minority.

I'll place my own position for you so there's no disguise, I'm left of centre. I would have said I was a natural Liberal Democrats voter, but I can't bring myself to say that anymore. You could probably say I'm naive enough to still believe that negative situations can be changed with hard work into positive ones, but I'm struggling to see the wood from coed at the moment.

Pontypool used to be a successful, by all accounts, vibrant town that had a large permanent market and a huge local park for the residents use. A central and important train station, a history of pottery, and the ubiquitous mining nearby. Fast forward to 2013 and the town centre and market are lacklustre and the area is designated as deprived.

The reasons behind this are many. Cwmbran was built as a New Town. It has all the big commercial players, it's designed to make shopping easy if not interesting. The train station is now on the edge of town, a good mile and a half away. A supermarket has entered the town centre which has placed pressure on the local shops. Larger named bands won't relocate into the empty shops here as Cwmbran is ten minuets drive away. The rugby club, positioned in the park is no longer as successful as it was driving away the tens of thousands that would have passed through the town in the past when games were on. The industry that was once here has long since closed/relocated/gone under. A story not unfamiliar to many, many towns. So, what's the answer?

Interestingly, the County Council have their offices in the town, there is also a Community Council which was established in 2006. I immediately visited both websites for these parties and was struck that the Council website was not really very current, the blog set up in 2006 had not been updated since. The County Council's communications were better but not brilliant, their free paper doesn't even reach my door and I'm ten minuets walk away from their offices. I'm unsure if the fact that the County Council is here is clouding the issue, the more I ponder it the more I'm convinced it has but poor old Ponty is suffering from a complete lack of identity and function.

You only need to look at the online communities set up my local people to see the general unhappiness. A lot of people talk of the Council, without directing their annoyance to the correct place. To be fair, the Community Council is in some sort of enforced hiding or that's how it appears. You see, a few years back, Pontypool won approximately £13 million pounds in grants for regeneration. As far as I can tell, most of this money has not been spent yet. I know the centre has been re-cobbled, there are some general "art" installations, the market is due a refurbishment in May, but given that it's half empty and that future rents will be more than current I can't see how it might work economically. This is the reason that the general local population are hopping mad. The general upkeep of the town is bad, there are rundown shop fronts, graffiti of willies on the boards, the green areas in town and unplanted, unkept and rubbish is everywhere.

There's more administration in this town than anything else and I'm not sure what the answer is. I'm pretty sure it's not what's happening right now. To me, it's like there's a void. The two Councils have some sort of plan, I've read the paper, but it's vague on how they will get business booming again, it appears they think that it will just appear if they "regen", but that's not the case. Unless there is care taken on an ongoing basis then the town will not look cared for, it's not the big money spends that can make the difference it's the local, small and independent ideas that will change the environment. It also has to be said that the general whining and harking back to the past will not enliven the now. Personally I have some thoughts, I'm not convinced a town with two/three supermarkets can support a 7 day a week independent market. That might be unpopular, but I know of no other town that has one. I'm sure that the town needs a Community space, like a town hall/market area at the weekends. Check out Frome's Cheese and Grain development as an inspiration. There are no restaurants in town, not one, with no other entertainment than a Weatherspoons. There are no bands that play here, no theatre, no films, nothing. A town does not prosper by day alone. What is more surprising is a park that offers hectares of grounds, with a large leisure centre and a dry ski slope! It has a bandstand (that no one uses) and nothing happens in it. Nothing. No festivals in the summer, the only local event I can find is the annual fireworks display which just proves that Pontypool can hold in it more than ten people at a time. I tried to find the local group that takes care of the park, their website was down.

As you can tell, I have a lot to say on the subject and this post is mostly an outpouring of my current view of the town. Part two will be my ideas for the future, what could be done and the positives and initiatives I can see already taking place. I will update this post with appropriate photos as and when. If you have any ideas on how to regenerate a failing town or any of your own experiences then please feel free to share them!

A Month in One Day!

I have to make an apology, I promised myself I would post religiously on my blog. For some reason February became as slippery as an eel and it escaped me. The first half of this month was taken up with the "blanket project", or my first knitting project as its is now known. Learning is a funny thing, you have to produce something to understand the mistakes you've made. There's probably a proverb in there, in Chinese, somewhere. I'm quite pleased with the little blanket but there are a few things I have learnt:

1) knitting takes ages
2) knitting with the wrong yarn for the pattern takes even longer
3) don't drink cava and knit

The blanket is one third of the size of the pattern. I wanted to attempt the edging which seemed impossibly fancy and the yarn was wrong, the colour was wrong and I'd made so many small mistakes I wasn't worried with producing the pattern verbatim. However, making it this small has given in an idea of sort for a "boo blanket".

What the blanket also told me was that you would have to be a super quick knitter to make a business out of selling them. Or, you would have a pay yourself peanuts. I'm pondering whether a knitting machine could be an answer but it would take away from the magic of the pieces I think. So for the time being my lovely blanket stall is on the back burner. Not to mention the stalls in the market post refurbishment will be too expensive, but most on that in a later post.

I then searched for patterns that were quick, I found and completed the following headband which I love! I need a button to finish it, but it took no time at all! It's possible that extreme knitting is the way forward! I'm now attempting a blanket made of squares and I can see it taking me at least a month, I've decided this proves how much time I am spending with my child which is copious!

Lots of food blogs to catch up on including the fabulous valentines chocolate cake!

Much love xxx